Also, I gained a lot of childrearing wisdom from the two articles on romantic relationships. Although they discuss mainly marriage, Mosier and Shulman's articles can address healthy ways of relating to children. For example, adults should never believe that having a child will be a panacea for their problems. Similar to the myth of the soul mate, the myth that a child will change everything is a sure way of creating more problems. Having children for selfish reasons can lead to major problems for both the parents and the children. Parents also need to maintain their personal interests when they have children. Sacrificing their interests, pressuring children to become like them, or nagging their children to be different are all ways that can destroy the bond between parent and child just as those negative behaviors can destroy the bonds between spouses.
Because we believe the myths about soul mates and perfect...
A marriage will not take care of itself and nor will a parent-child relationship. I have often cultivated many of the myths described by both Shulman and Mosier. For example, I had not realized the extent to which I believed in the concept of there being a perfect person out there for everyone: the soul mate. Also, I can now see how false beliefs cause me to place undue demands on my relationship partners. I cannot expect the other person to fulfill me; that is my job. Sacrificing my personal interests or expecting the other person to change are unhealthy patterns and can destroy good relationships. Also, as Shulman states, there is really no such thing as compatibility. However, most people speak of romantic partnerships in terms of compatibility. Relationships are always going to have problems because no two people are completely, one hundred percent compatible.
